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Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

the last couple of weeks have been unique in terms of relationships.

No.  I don’t have one.

But that’s kind of the point. [1]

Two weeks ago I sang in a friends wedding.  It was one of those “it’s about damn time someone snapped her up” weddings.  I was very happy for my friend.  The same weekend I was counselling my sister through a difficult relationship situation, working on a letter to my pastor in regards to another relationship, and sitting Shiva with  another ‘sister’ for the end of her marriage.

I was a little unprepared for the whirlwind of emotions that emerged in me.

Two caveats:

i) When I express an emotion or thought that ran through my head don’t assume that this is where I live, or that I let myself continue to think it.  I’m going to be pretty blunt and show a less than favorable side of me right now.  I recognize that it’s not favorable, and part of the way I’m working on it is to write this blog.

ii) The majority of what is shared below is not in any way directed at any person.  It really is my frustration at my situation being transferred onto their situation.  I recognize this, and part of the way I’m working on it is to write this blog.

Ok, now that this is out of the way I can get on with the self-exposure.

I have been in a pissy mood for a couple of weeks now.

I was really sick in the weeks coming up to the wedding, and had to work extremely hard to get motivated to do it well.  I really love my friend who got married.  What I found coming up was wedding overload.  I remember watching Four Weddings and a Funeral numerous times, and wanting to cheer every time I heard Simon  Callow ‘s Character say “Just once I would like to attend the wedding of someone I truly love”.  I believed that my wedding malaise was due to this sentiment.  I wanted to be in a wedding of someone I really loved, not just there because I was the person they knew who could do the music.[2]

Yeah.  Not so much.  It isn’t who’s getting married that seems to matter.  It’s who’s not getting married.

Namely, I’m not getting married.

We’ll come back to this in a minute, because there is more to this convoluted story of my inner workings.

So I have some friends whose marriages are falling apart.  It doesn’t really matter why, except that it is triggering a particularly ugly side of me.  And I have seen a couple of people in relationships recently that are petty and childish and don’t know the first thing about being in a relationship, and yet they have someone. Hello ugly side of the GS. We’ve been expecting you.  And then everything that my sister went through last week, with a guy liking her, then kind of stomping on her heart.  Yeah the inside of my head hasn’t been pretty. Oh, and I have been asked too many times in the last few weeks if I was married.

Things I’ve heard myself thinking:

i) Seriously God, I don’t understand why she has a husband and I don’t.  I am much more mature and responsible, and people actually like me!

ii) If I was married I wouldn’t have treated my spouse badly.

iii) Why should I even do this? There is no one here that would even look at me twice.

iv) I have been a good girl. ALWAYS. Why am I alone? I don’t deserve this.  (foot stomp) Maybe I should just not be a good girl anymore.  Seriously.  What would change?

v)How dare you let that guy hurt my sister?  How DARE you?

vi) I am so very glad that I am single. So. Very. Glad.

vii) Is there even a solitary good guy left that I am not related to?

So you can see.  One big ugly mess.

Yeah and in the middle of this my assistant pastor asked if I would be interesting in leading a small group dealing with a book on Sex and Addiction.

STEVE!

I hate this.  I hate that I am so capable of thinking ugly things.  I hate that I don’t like, and yet am grateful for, the situation I am in.  And I hate answering the marriage question.

It seems to me that I have to deal with this soon.  I’m 37.  Chances are I am not going to be married in time to have children of my own. I hate having to even think that sentence.  I have to deal with this.  That I am not going to get things the way I want them.  I am not good at this.  When things don’t go the way I want I get bitchy and ugly, as evidenced by all that is going on in my head. If I don’t deal I can’t get out of this storm of emotion. I have to deal. However I just have to say this once.

I want to be loved.

I do.

I need it so badly.

And the thought that rattles in my brain? I know I am worthy.  I just am not convinced that there will ever be anyone who sees that.


1. I know you shouldn’t start a sentence with the word “but”, but I just had to.

2. Just as a reminder.  When I get married Jesus is going to make it so that Bono and The Edge will do it for me.[3]

3. However, I’ve pretty much decided that I’m eloping, or getting married in my sitting room, so I’m not sure how he’s going to pull that off.  He is Jesus, though, and I’m pretty sure Bono and the Edge in my sitting room is far less difficult than raising someone from the dead.

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I had the misfortune to watch this movie last night. I was so looking forward to it.  Apparently I like torturing myself.

How do these movies get made? How do they persuade talent to do them?  They're not even funny.

Here are my beefs.

1) It's always tight-ass, neurotic, cat-loving, super controlling women who are stunningly good looking but incapable of finding a man. Inevitably because their standards are 'just too high', [a] and they are just plain desperate because its been [insert time period] since they've had good sex.  The woman, though intelligent and educated is always extremely naive when it comes to 'how to get a guy' and has to enlist the help of all kinds of jaded or sex deprived friends to help her land a good one.

     This is just plain ridiculous.  Don't knock standards, they can be very helpful and protective, and can often be a sign that someone knows themselves, and what works for them, well. Also, Sex isn't the be all or the end all, nor is it the most important thing in a relationship. The single woman/cat lover cliche is SO VERY OLD! In this movie the main female character was portrayed in being so wrapped up in her ideals of a man and so desperate to catch him that she allowed herself to do all kinds of hi-jinks that were so anti her thoughtful and controlled character. Granted we all do stupid things from time to time, but you can't sell me on the idea that a T.V. producer who can make split second decisions on which camera to go to, and the best thing to say in a situation would not find an excuse to visit the powder room and remove her climax inducing panties before a business dinner, or feel the need to Cyrano de Bergerac her way through a baseball game date with earpieces, sounding to all the world like someone suffering from acute Turrets Syndrome.
2) It's always guys [b] who are the lowest common denominators of maleness.  Sex is the most important thing, and the more you get of it the better a "man" you are.  Men only put up with relationships for the sake of getting sex.  They think with their penis and as rude and crass as they want to be.

     Seriously.  Grow up! If this is all that you are going to be, we're well shot of you! Men take responsibility, Men give and receive, Guys take and callously use others. In this movie the main character not only disparages women who are lonely on a regular basis, but he repeatedly ignored his supervisors instructions on air, and basically only did what he wanted to do. Every once and a while you see a glimpse of a relationship with a young boy and his 'responsibility' to the kid, so you're led to believe that there is more to this man than you can see. COME ON!  The Diamond-in-the-rough guy is all played out.  There is something to be said for seeing the true person, but this is so far from that.  The guy likes who he is.  He hides the responsibility as if it is a  weakness, or something of less value.

3) The Guy helps the Crazy lady catch a Man by playing all sorts of mind games.

    This is the worst part of the romantic comedy for me. 

Just so we're clear.  I think relationships that come about by manipulation of the things you think will titillate your partner and obfuscation of who you really are, so that only the characteristics and traits he/she would like appear, for the sake of securing him/her are wasted time. 
I will never play games with someones affection, and I would walk away from anyone who does.  It isn't romantic to me.  It isn't funny.  It's cruel, and it will never build a relationship that lasts.  It ends.  Always. Either in an apology (if you have some character) or just walking away  after you've taken what you wanted (as witnessed by the main guy's answering machine messages in this movie).

What makes it even more frustrating for me is that I frequently work with teen girls who have seen this over and over and think that this is the way they're supposed to behave, or the behavior they're supposed to put up with.  They just get their hearts crushed in the process.

As you may have guessed I thought this movie was Drivel, plain and simple.  I just want to be able to watch one romantic comedy that doesn't make me want to curse.  They're just not funny.  They're just cruel and callous. I think I need to watch Wall-e to cleanse my palate.  At least robot's understand 🙂

Can I rate a movie with negative stars?

a) and sometimes they are just absolutely ridiculous ideals, I'll grant you that. They're so over the top. Tolstoy reading, Austen loving, long walks on the beach, love all animals but cats the best, etc.
b) guys are not men.  Guys are men in age only.  They live life as one big game, enjoying all they can get, never taking responsibility, expecting the world to revolve around them, consequences be dammed, etc.

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