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Posts Tagged ‘england’

So my night last night was very melancholy.
In the first place the weather has been classic England weather.  It took me by surprise when I walked out of my house yesterday and it smelled like, well, home.

Then I was in my room listening to music on the computer and reading, and looked up and saw that my picture screensaver  had kicked in, and it was showing pictures of my Uncle Norm, and things we had done together. He died last summer, and I was sucker-punched with how much I missed him.

It's so odd how some things can really catch you off guard. 

You're going along, and every thing seems to be ok.
You're coping.
Life has more things in the pro column than the con column.

And then you step outside and the smell takes your breath away.
Or the picture glimpsed out of the corner of your eye makes you cry.

And then I made the mistake of watching part one of Terry Pratchett's BBC program on living with Alzheimer's. It broke my heart.  It was like a real life Flowers for Algernon.  I really could see what a fun, intelligent, sardonic, perceptive man he was, and how so much of this was slowly being taken away, by a foe he can't beat.  Many of you know I've been reading through his books the last couple years ( I would love to own them all!!!!) and I've enjoyed them thoroughly.  It was heartbreaking to see this man, the age of my father, just a few years younger than my uncle Norm,  battle to be himself as his very self was ebbing away.

I had such love for him last night.  This brave, and yet scared man. It brought tears to my eyes.  The fitting end to a Melancholy day.
I wish I could have known him.

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Update

Still haven't heard back from the lawyer yet.  Will keep you posted.

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PLEASE PLEASE PRAY

I don't normally ask for prayer like this, for a personal situation.  Mostly because I feel there are greater needs than my own. Today I come because I have a great need.

 

As most of you know I've been pursuing immigration to the United Kingdom.  This is something I have longed for since I was 13, and we left London after having lived there for a number of years.  When my family went back in 93, and I had to stay here it was very hard.  It's become more difficult over the years, especially with my moms illness over the past 7yrs.  The longing to move was always there, but the possibility was remote.

About 18 months ago I finally got a break.  Some good friends let me move in with them, cutting down on my expenses with the goal of being able to move to England, and then last November my Uncle paid off my student loans unexpectedly, freeing me of one of the major obstacles to moving.  Since then I've been working towards my goal, but have had some set backs.  The most major one being that I was running into difficulties getting a clear answer as to what Visa I should apply for.  After some huge runarounds my parents got in touch with an immigration lawyer in the UK.  He gave them some preliminary information, but they are meeting with him Monday when they will be able to get a clearer picture from him.  What we have found out so far is a major blow.

1.  Brittan doesn't have very good family reunification laws.  They're good if I was under 18 or completely dependent on my family due to illness, but I'm not. So just because my whole family lives there doesn't mean a thing if I want to go.

2.  The fact that I didn't finish college doesn't work in my favor. 

 

The Lawyer said that my mothers Illness could help, and it would be easier to get a visa if I had a job lined up over there (which creates its own list of issues, as most jobs will not go through the hassle of hiring me and applying for me to come over with out being highly specialized).

 

I really need you to be praying.  The meeting on Monday will be more comprehensive, where the lawyer has actually done some work, and will be able to speak more specifically.  I need prayer for peace and faith, because both are sorely lacking.  The whole situation is out of my hands until then, and I can't do anything, which frustrates me.  In addition, I feel like my dreams are hanging by a thread, and may be out of reach, which is very difficult to handle.  I didn't let myself hope for this for a long time, and just as I have really started to hope, things have come up against this.

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Ok so right now I can barely sit still. I'm reminding myself of the little puppy who see's you from inside the door, and is basically falling over itself dancing with such excitement.  Yeah thats pretty much me at the moment.  Why? Apparently theres some truth to the Ask and KEEP ON ASKING scriptures in the bible. And how odd that this happened the DAY of the QOTD dealing with movie cliche's.
Still, sadly, man with quick wit, Scottish accent, and soulful eyes not in my life but…
My uncle called last night.
He's a wealthy  man.
Now he's more wealthy.
His company sold for almost 500 million, and he was an owner of a small part.  Anyway, after telling me all of this, and how he's creating a scholarship in his fathers name, and some other things like that, he told me he wanted to pay off my student loans…IN FULL.
This means a lot of things, but the big one is, I can start the process to try and move to where my family is.
I did it today.
I contacted the consulate to find out what visa I need to apply to.
And although this doesn't make the church question a mute point,  I know i won't be there forever, so maybe that gives me the freedom to speak more…um…forcefully.
Wow.
Unexpected grace.
*squee*
ps. ain't my uncle and aunt cool?

Washington and Uncle Norm & Aunt Mary 072Washington and Uncle Norm & Aunt Mary 076Washington and Uncle Norm & Aunt Mary 081

  i made the sweater she's wearing!

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My Friends Dad died today, It made me so sad.  I remember when I thougth mom was going to die.  I hated that.  I've got her kids with me tonight, and we had a very interesting discussion on death and resruection. One kid said, "if one of my brother's caught on fire I'd just jump in the fire with him, cause I don't want to live if one of my brothers is dead". We got into a big discussion of life and death, and talked about God raising people from the dead, and why sometimes it's people's time to go.  It was Good, and deep, and very 2nd grade 🙂 and remarkable apropos due to the season. So then we played lego starwars, and now are watching Over the Hedge.  
I've re-watched A room with a View this week.  I love the movie with a passion.  Been rehashing Jane Austin with my sister.  I think my dream man is a mixture of Mr. Nightly, Mr. Darcy, and Captain Wentworth.  So many good quallitys, and memorable times with my little sis, comparing and contrasting the versions of Pride and Prejudice.  Can you believe she's never read mansfield park?  Sad but true.  I'm going to have to work on her education.
I've been listening to snow patrol today, I love the melencholy.


On another note, this last trip I took home to England was Sweet. One of the things that was interesting was the moment that I realized I didn't have to plan anything for Easter this year.  It was an odd combination of relief, regret, and slight panic.  I think I don't know exactly who I am when I'm not doing something, and not having a 'role' is kinda killing me.  I don't know what to do about it. I don't think it is that I need a role to feel valued, its more like I feel like i'm not doing worthwhile things, which heightens the feeling of treading water, Like I'm not able to get anywhere, just keeping afloat is all I can manage. 

Ok Kids safely tucked in bed. Tomorrow I'm taking them swiming.  Toby, the sighing dog, is outside for a jaunt before bed, and i'm sitting in for a good womanly film, and trying to ignore how much i'm actually enjoying playing mom.

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