Posts Tagged ‘divorce’

So this has been an odd first weekend home.


I'm not so sure I want to be here. Work was a nightmare to come back to.  It is amazing what people forget when I'm not present. Took Rachel to church with me.  It was good for her.  Brings home again to me how some people desperately need what others are tired of. Really bitch slapped me again, spiritually speaking.

Went to see Over the Rhine Friday night.  I've never, ever regretted a moment I spend listening to them.  The last time I felt this unlocking in me.  What I mean by that is, often, when I sit down to write, create, play etc, I find that what I hear or want to write is just beyond my reach, like I hear the echo of what I'm meant to create, and just can't quite reach it.  Every once in a while something unlocks the door, and I can tangibly touch the cache of creative mess that I have, and can put words or notes to paper.  Over the Rhine did that to me the last time I saw them in concert, and I was so frustrated to not be close to home, because by the time I made it to my house, I had lost the connection, and looked at the notes I had hurriedly jotted in my palm pilot with regret, as they were now lost to me.  This time I saw them was beautiful, and so bittersweet.  Many of the songs that they sung were out of thier journey to save a marriage gone stale and sour.  One of my fave songs that that the do is Born. Simply put, this song chronicles thier choice to spend a while just getting to know each other again.  Every night they would open a bottle of wine and sit at the table, just talking and listening, until the bottle was gone.  I love the song, and the way they chose to fight for thier commitment, even though they didn't know if what they were fighting for was worth saving.  What made this so bittersweet was that my friend was there, and she and her husband are in the process of calling it quits, they are watching thier marriage crumble, and not trying at all to even air things out.  Being in the crossfire of the Marriage that survived, and the one on life support, was so hard for me. God knows, it's not about me, but I was grieving for my friends and thier loss. How very heartbreaking!  I can't imagine what it must feel like to believe that there was nothing worth saving between you and the one you once loved.

The dog resents me, and the fact that I won't let him run outside all the time.  He gets his own back by taking over my bed at night, but at least he keeps me warm.

My Car is Fixed.  Those of you who know what a journey this has been, understand how monumental it is.  But it starts every time right away!  A dumb 64 dollar piece of equipment.  $700 later, someone finally figures this out.  I wish I knew how to fix my own car.

I got caught up on Battlestar Galactica.  I love that show. I still maintain that I think Starbuck's a cylon, but we'll see.

I loved the bombshell, and the use of "all along the watchtower"  That's got to be among the top 10 songs of all time.

"Somewhere between Jesus dying on the cross for our sins, and a giant bunny hiding eggs there seems to be a little gap in information."  I love South Park. Maybe Anya's right, Bunnies are evil :).  Please excuse the pop culture references, I'm a huge Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan.

It snowed today, and I texted my family to tell them it was snowing. They all texted back boasting of the lovely crisp warm sunny day they had. Beth said she wished she was here, Dad wished I was there.  I think thats what I think too. I wish I wasn't here alone.

Now I should Go to bed, and prepare to go to work again tomorrow.

Life as I know it.

I would include the Over the Rhine song, but Vox and my computer are arguing.


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