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Posts Tagged ‘bah’

As opposed to "what is wrong with me?", the question I'm going to refuse to ask, even in my inner monologue.  I've just left my bosses daughters wedding.  It was cool to observe.  Quite the spectacle.  My first East-Indian Wedding. As much as I liked what I saw, this day SUCKED ASS!.

Last night I got home, and went into the bathroom to wash my face before bed and was just struck.  I looked at myself in the mirror and thought "I am lovely". it was completely unbidden, not to psych myself up. I was just looking before the wash clothe hit, and I thought. "I am lovely".
It's true.
I am.
So on the heels of this great statement of affirmation I went to the wedding today.  I went this am with two co-workers, and we were in awe.  I wore a sari, but I was probably the least flashy costume there, which is very odd, if you know me. It was quite the event.  The culture was also different.  The wedding started 1 and 1/2 hrs late, and people talked all the way through it. I even heard 4 cell phones go off during the ceremony.  I was kind of taken aback  by that, but whatever.  If it didn't bother them, it didn't bother me. (Later I overheard a conversation with the bride, her brother, and their cousin bemoaning these actions.  Apparently it's common place, but that doesn't make it welcome to the younger generations)
I came back in the evening for the banquet and party.  That was a nightmare.
O.K.
Decision time.  I need one person.  ONE person, who is a man, who can go with me to weddings.  
Seriously. That was hell. 
The only persons I knew at the wedding were immediate family, and I couldn't sit with them. So I was all by myself.  I asked if I could sit at a table with some people, and they just gave me a look and nodded.  They didn't answer any question or greeting I extended to them. The only words they spoke to me were when we were waiting in line for the food.  They indicated that the American Buffet was in a different location. I told them I loved Indian food and was in the correct line.  As soon as they were done eating they got up and left, leaving me at the table all alone.  
Makes me want to elope.  I don't ever want any one to go through the two hrs of torture I did.  If it hadn't been for Kelly and wonderlenny I would be in tears right now. I felt like such a pariah. 
These are the days that being alone suck.
It brings me back to the question.  
What is wrong with people?
Politeness is out of the question?  Not even a polite smile? And for some of the people from the area with whom I have a passing acquaintance, nice of you to stare at me sitting all alone, even kinder that none of you invited me to your tables.I would have done it.
Also, on a more personal level, what is wrong with people that I am single?  I am lovely, and vivacious, and funny, smart, and a good friend.  I have a great work ethic, and am creative.  Why is it that I live in the Fortress of Solitude and have no one to go to a wedding with? 
Bah.
Anyone have anything I can break?  I'm in a horrible mood, and want to take it out on someone.  

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Big D is ruining my mojo!

I'm a first born,  I'm highly competitive.
Yes.
Sadly I am.
I admit it freely.
My younger brother and I are in many ways a lot alike. We have similar personalities.  We don't agree on everything, but we keep fairly symbiotic relationship going.  We co-exist well (even though I did dress him up as a girl when we were kids).
Things are changing, and I'm not coping well.
He has a far better job than me, and is a big success.
He has a good network of single friends (which I envy)
He is better off financially.
He lives in Hove (the UK which I envy)
He is on the path to dual citizenship.
He is really growing, faith-wise, and really being recognized and used in his church. ( I will not dignify my vexedness at the disparity between me and him on this one with words, as they would be uncouth, and necessitate a mouth enema)
He has lost over 80 lbs in the last 4 months, and really transformed the way he looks (I have my own issues with the diet plan and the rapidity of the weight loss, but that doesn't stop me from being envious)
All of these have been niggling around in the back of my head for a while, but they all came to a head today.

Today is our sister Bethany's birthday. (by the way go say hi and wish her a happy day. blond_sister is 32 today)
I called to wish her a Happy Birthday and this is how she answered the phone.
"I'm Gobsmacked!  I can't believe that Dave called to wish me a Happy Birthday before you did!"
GRRRRRR!
Insult to Injury.
I'm 5 hrs behind her in time as I'm in the Midwest and she's in the Uk, but I usually beat him.  Not that its a competition or anything, but I usually remember to call first.  Today he got the heads up  on  me.  Again.
I've about had it.
Having more hair that he does can't be the only thing I do better than him.
It just can't be.
Who stole my Big Sister Mojo?

Can I have it back?

Please?

I'm begging here!

Throw me a friggin' bone!

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I find out that I have another friend pregnant.

Heh.
I don't even have swear words good enough for this moment.

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